“This world is only a temporary place for our schooling. Our true permanent home is the spiritual universe.”
I really don’t understand why I let my head get to me. I just think I overestimate that I love seeing people. Really. When I go out…. don’t to be catcher in the rye cliche, but everyone and everything just feels so fake. I read peoples body language and all in all in the end, people just don’t give a fuck! They don’t really care how your doing, they don’t care what you have been doing… they just are sarcastic and make snotty passive aggressive remarks.(not everyone but most) I usually just go about this by being myself, completely disregarding the fact and acting like I don’t care and/or pay any attention to the bullshit…. but you know.. as I’m getting older I just think HEY you all are here… obviously you came out to see people for a reason……….. but just to act like your better? or trying to impress or prove something?? I just hate assuming their motives. But it just seems so obvious.
I can be completely out of line… but I think it could be all in my head.. I think I’m just sick of this area and sick of people. There are far and few between that I see and really feel their lovely glow. You know, those people that when your around them you feel good. They’re the ones that make it worth going out… but I feel so completely disconnected with my friends….. except a few.. but I figured one of my bests just really don’t give a shit. And you know what…… time for me to save up money and move on. I have a wonderful boy, who is real to me. And honestly, just sitting around with him doing nothing is the best feeling in the world let alone when we do fun things together. I think that’s all I need. I don’t know… I don’t know why I am expressing myself on the internet… but I always feel that when I go out… even if it’s been MONTHS and I get out…. I come home at night feeling utterly disappointed in that I just want to move away to a place with people I don’t know at all… a new environment completely different than this one…. a social situation that’s more open and happy. I think… I will move out west. I have been saying this for a long time. I just ehhhhhh I get sick of humanity. Not to be dramatic… but I really feel that deep down and there is no denying it. And… I see all these things on facebook way before I see the person and they tell me by voice. When I look at facebook and people most of the time I JUST THINK WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS PERSON THINK THEY ARE? I think it really deceives me. If I talked to that person one on one I wouldn’t want to slap them in the face so bad. I want to delete it but then I feel disconnected and I think that as a generation……. WE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO EVEN MAKE THAT DECISION!!
Just I’m sick of people that talk shit and are fake… and what is worst is suspecting that it’s one of your bests. Which I wouldn’t think if they weren’t so distant and WORK is not a fuckin’ excuse. All the times I was busy…… I was always there. Just kills me how selfish people are and really don’t think and just hang out when it’s lyKe SuPer ConvEnienT FoR thEm.** but I guess that just happens.. that’s why you lose the friends that.. yah know are aight. But you didn’t know it at the moment.
But I had a blast with my cousin. She is fuckin’ hilarious and I can just listen to her talk ALL night. She has a lot to say… and it’s all funny!
It has been more than two years since I smoked consecutively. I’m happier without it. I think it’s funny when people think they need it. You don’t need to be baked all day. I think eventually people grow out of it. I still have a love for weed. And I know once and a while I’ll smoke a little if I’m super bored. I think people really smoke it because… they’re super bored. I know it helps mentally a lot… or does the opposite which is why I had to stop. But when I think of those days where I would sit all day waiting for weed, spending all my money on it and all of that…… I just think.. wow I could of been doing something fuckin’ while playing that waiting game. There are times though where I wish I had it, when I’m just sitting there and nothing on the T.V. interests me AT ALL. I can’t watch t.v. during the day unless something good is on. When I smoke weed, I don’t give a shit of what is on. In fact, Dr Phil, Jerry Springer, and all those boring shows are quit interesting. But I’m happy I do good in school and all that and when I smoked weed the most, my GPA went down five points. I am not someone who can smoke everyday and give a shit about doing good in school.
In fact, I have high amounts of energy anymore… way more than I used to. Which is annoying sometimes because I just want to chill the fuck out… but then I eventually find something to occupy myself. You just gotta be okay with being bored… if not… just smoke weed if you want to. Remember: it’s all in your heeeeeeeeeeead
Yeah! Got all the dead flowers out and replanting colorful sunflowers:) I didn’t clean it up yet because I keep seeing slugs. I know it’s an odd thing to be afraid of… so I’m gunna have Liam help me clean it up.. or clean it up himself.. I can’t tell him the reason because he’s the kind of boyfriend that if I told him I was afraid of slugs, he would throw them at me. Sooo as of now I’m just a lazy sunflower planter.. NOT afraid of slugs.
